One of my very best friends on the planet gave me a coffee mug a few years back with that very saying..There have been many many mornings when I would pour that dark magical elixir into that mug… each time it cause’s me to stop and ponder the shear truth of words…Just when the caterpillar thought his life was over…he became a butterfly…
Of course, as always, I think of Lulu but it is beyond that. I think that each of us has experienced dark moments in our lives when we feel despair and all hope seems lost but that is the coolest thing about hope! Hope gives us wings!
This very same friend gave me a poster that is Lulu’s room..it talks about hope…it says…Hope is something that will never leave you, once you have it, it becomes a part of who you are… I believe that to be true…
Even on our darkest days when all seems lost especially hope, it finds a way back to you on the wings of a butterfly, in the comforting words of a friend…
I awoke at 3:30 this morning…Lulu wanted me to write… I made coffee and as I lifted up the mug and gazed yet again at the words on the mug. I realized something…whether we believe it or not, we will all transform just like the butterfly. It is the believing that gives us hope.
Believing in miracles is the only difference between having a broken heart and having your heart broken open.
It is a miracle that a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. We are all made up of the same stuff. Each one of us is a miracle waiting to remember that we too have wings.
Sending lots of love,
Remember that old Tootsie Pop commercial???
It was a young boy I think that asked the wise old owl the perplexing question. “How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop?” The smart-eleck wise owl takes the tootsie and cracks his beak down on it three times and states oh so wisely… “One, two, three, it takes three licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop.” The kid is standing there staring at his tootsie clearly in shock!
That darn old owl made me so mad, how dare he do that to the innocent little kid and besides, he cheated anyway he was supposed to lick not crack!
The end of the commercial the voice over guy says…”How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop?” “The world may never know…”
Have you ever had a day when you feel as though you can’t take one more lick? Have you ever said to God, “O.k. God I know that I am supposed to learn something from this…. I know that everything happens for a reason and we are all part of a much bigger plan…but seriously I have had enough!” I will only happiness and peace in my life, I mean really how many licks is one person supposed to take????
If we are meant to become more enlightened and reach our center by the numerous changes and challenges in our lives then why are we not spiritual genius’ ? Heck, we should all be Gandhi or something…. Marianne Williamson says that we can either learn through pain or we can learn through love…
I think that we are innocent like that little kid… we have loved and taken our licks in life and then bam… something or someone comes along when we least expect it and just cracks us and we are standing there in shock wondering why this happened…trying so hard to think with our wise minds why this is happeneing to us and the truth is that our minds will never know. The answers, I believe are in our hearts and if we allow love and hope to lead the way we will get through our pain and become that moment of bliss right there in the center of ourselves. Pain remains pain unless we learn and grow from it.
When the kids were small we would bring tootsie pops with us on our hiking adventures, when we arrived at our destination we would break them out to celebrate the moment, our moment of bliss. We were still innocent.
I sure hope that kid grew from his experience with the wise-a** old owl!!!!
I know that I did because I personally will never ask a wise old owl anything and if one approaches me and tells me that he has all of the answers to the questions of the universe….I am going to run like heck with my lollipop in hand!
I want to learn through love!!!
Our very first bereavement support group is being held at Lulu’s House Of Hope tomorrow evening! It is just so darn exciting and I have to say that I feel a bit nervous!!!! What exactly am I going to say to give hope, to fill hearts and lift some of the pain that these parents are feeling?
I have read so many books over the years about spiritualityand finding the purpose and meaning in life, fullfilling your destiny. My nightstand is embarrassingly jammed packed full of these secrets to the universe. With each new one that I purchase, I am hoping that this is THE one. The one that will break the spell and give me every single answer that I am looking for. A few like… Marinanne Williamson, Deepok Chopra and Ekhart Tolle come as close to reaching that ultimate truth as you can get….I have underlined, highlighted and folded down pages of each and every one of these books of wisdom… They have been in my purse, in my brief case, laying in the front seat of my car, in the bathroom (because we all know that in the bathroom is where the real wisdom comes in!) I am a spiritual book junkie! Whenever I need a quick fix, I re-read a page or a paragraph, feeling satifisfied until the next itch comes along that needs some good scratching with spiritual verbage.
A month ago, I came home with yet another book, one that was going to turn me into Mother Theresa, well…maybe not her because I am for sure not a nun, I’m not even catholic! This book was the one that was going to turn me into a master. Our boys were shaking their heads and saying, “Mom, how many of those books do you need?” My reply is, “Apparently alot because I keep buying them!” That is when profound words of wisdom came flowing out of our 16 year old. Andrew’s mouth.
“Mom, you already know everything that you need to know.” he said, “The answers are all ready in your heart.” Well….what do you say to that???
Now that is just about as profound as anything I have already read in about 50 million different ways. I think that it is that way for each of us. We are all searching for an ahhh moment, that will transform us to that place of peace…bliss… sometimes it comes when we least expect it , in ways that we never expected it I think, what it is, is that sometimes we just need that little spark to reignite our own flame. But when it is all said and done, once we have been kick started again, we ALL already know what we need to know. We just have to slow down enough and allow ourselves to open our wounded hearts to the truth and beauty that is already a part of who we are.
I was going to read tonight for inspiration… read one of the many books laying in the strategic parts of the house…. instead, I decided to write because Andrew is right. I already know what I need to know…besides..Lulu will be there…Come on Lulu light my fire!
It only takes a spark to get a fire going….
THE SUBTLE WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE
I think that most of us seem to go the day completely
unaware of the subtle and yet none of the less miraculous workings of the
universe that is a part of us and all around us each and everyday. There are
moments in my life when I am fully awake and I remember this very truth and
then…there are many more moments when I might as well be sleep walking. Just
doing what I have to do to get things done. The million and one things that we
all do because after all it just so darn important to…make sure that the house
is clean and the bills are paid and the laundry is done and the garden is
weeded and my hair is done and the house gets stained…..blah, blah, blah!
heart from a gym that Lulu and I used to go. She loved the playroom there and
she loved Victor! Victor and I both work out at the Y now and he emailed to ask
if I was going to be there on Friday, he had something for me…Victor loved Lulu
and was devastated by her death. He is very aware of the anniversary of her
me the most beautiful bunch of roses that he had grown in his garden. They were
a very deep red and looked like they were made of velvet. Victor told me how
unique these roses were. A total of
eleven beautiful blossoms on one single stem, in all of his years (Victor is
70+), never had he seen so many blossoms a single rose stem!
I was so deeply moved and I placed the roses in a cranberry
vase in the center of our kitchen. Their beauty was so striking that they
caused me to pause on numerous occasions during the course of the day. In those
moments of pausing, of being awake, I began to understand the beauty of a
flower. What Ekhart Tolle was taking about in his new book “A New Earth” was
this very thing, that a flower was the first awakened plant on the earth. He states in his book, “Seeing beauty in a
flower could awaken humans, however briefly, to the beauty that is an essential
part of their own innermost being, their true nature.”
That bunch of roses woke me up, I became aware…Lulu already
knew this when she Decorated Daddy. Realizing this makes Lulu Decorates Daddy
all the more precious to me and I know that inside the pages of Lulu’s book is
the subtle and yet none of the less miraculous workings of the
universe…perfect, powerful and beautiful.
Btw… Lulu would have turned eleven just about the day that
Victor’s Rose bush decided to produce the eleven perfect blossoms that he gave
to me in honor of her.
Yesterday, July 14, 2008 was the 7th anniversary of Lulu’s birth in heaven…
I have to say it was one of the toughest grieving days that I have had in a very long time.
There are moments when I feel as though my heart will burst with love for this little angel girl. Her presence is powerful, real and strong. As intense as that love is and as much as I know down to the depths of my soul that Lulu’s life and her transcendence into heaven is all a part of a much greater plan, I still, after all of these years have what I call a very human moment. A moment when I forget that we are all spirits having a human experience, a moment when I totally forget and don’t care to remember that we are all much a part of a much bigger plan, that we all have a profound purpose and that God, Lulu, me, you and the entire universe are all connected in perfect syncronicity.
Who cares about all of that when your heart is broken…The bottom line, all that was left was raw pain… I prayed and prayed for Lulu to give me yet another moment, a single moment of grace where God and Lulu would show me once again what it all means(like they haven’t done enough) to give me the grace to change my view, to shed some light…
on my shattered self.
It came via internet on July 14, 2008( I guess spirit doesn’t care how they get it to you as long as they get to you!!!)
Each day, I wake up and do all of the things that most of us do. Shower, brush my teeth, dry my hair, grab a cup of coffee kiss the kids goodbye, make sure they have lunch money and homework, throw on my make-up, try on three outfits, look for my keys. It’s all rushed, a blur of things I have to do just to get out the of the door, let alone all of the things I have to do once the door is open and I enter the world. It is the gap fillers of the day. The inbetween things you have to get done so that you can get on to the things that really matter….or maybe it is the other way around…
If I really stop to think about it, there are two “things” in my morning routine that slow me down enough…that fuel my soul and my passion.
#1 teeth brushing
Each morning while I am brushing, I look in the mirrror and then I always gaze over to Lulu’s picture hanging by the sink. I see her smiling back a me with her twinkling eyes. I can always guage where I am at in my life and how I am viewing my world by the conversations I have with her in my head…
on a good day it goes like this…
“What are you up to Lulu?”
“You are up to something huge!”
“I can feel it!’
“What am I supposed to learn today?”
“Just show me the way my little cutie.”
on a bad day it goes like this…
“I can’t do this all by myself!’
“Where are you?”
“Oh, just stand there and smile while I do all of the work!”
Then comes the hair drying. It takes place in Lulu’s room and it takes forever!!!! I curse my hair every morning! “Dry damn it dry!” I hung a poem about rainbow and hope on the wall. Each day I read the poem while drying…I begin to feel Lulu with me there as the hum of the dryer takes over all of the chatter in my head. I look in the mirror and see my reflection with the backdrop of Lulu’s room. Her angel’s painted on the wall, her toys, I start to feel the hope that Lulu has given me, the passion to share her vision…her spirit becomes alive in me. I know that I have no choice but to continue to do what she would have me do. Give hope, scatter her joy and let the world know that a little angel graced this earth and she has important things to do and say.
“Dry damn it dry!”
The first time that I met Maureen Hancock, a very gifted medium, she said to me, “Lulu’s got your hair!”, as in she’s got your back, she’s doing your hair.
I knew exactly what she meant. She could not have said anything more profound… only Lulu and I know that chatter that goes on in my head and the joy that fills my heart…
…sometimes to change our view all we need is a clear moment, when our chatter stops if only for a second and we can look in our mirror of life and see all that our past brings our moment of grace into the present and gives us hope for the future….
She’s got my hair alright!